( I only hope you won't send it back with your address marked 'deceased' again. )

I am such a hypocrite and it's frustrating. I expect one thing and do another almost constantly. I really want to work on this, but I don't really know how. Or if I really want to take the steps... Blargh. I don't really feel like going into all the details of it.. Just... blargh.

I'm sitting in the mall drinking my Gloria Jean's coffee (which is not bad on the whole. Not Godot-lever, for sure, but not the worst I ever had...) and contemplating the meaning of life. Well, no, not really.

I'm actually feeling a bit art ranty, and its of course the same rant that I always have, which is that I'm not good enough. Oh Lord, I'm not seeking compliments on this, I just want to make it clear. Nothing makes me feel more pathetic than needing a pat on the back and saying "no no but you are good!" Mostly what I'm mad about right now is that I don't... Do enough art to get better at it. I have all these grand plans and nothing to show for it. I really need to get my ass in gear and start doing the things that are going to get me improving.

So I open myself to all you in LJ land or whoever happens to stumble upon this. Give me a request, give me a challenge, anything you thinkl will test me artistically and get me moving!!

Ahhh, I've gone too long without an entry again. It's hard to keep up with this... as much as I want to. I must be better about it, but with severely lacking time online and that small bit of time being sucked up quickly in other things... I forget that blogging is supposed to be a part of that. How dare I give up on my faithful and loyal readers? All *squints* two of you, or so...

What's happened since the last update? Lets see. The last time I had posted, it seemed like I might be going to AI. Well, plans change. The school was just... way to damn expensive. The plan now is to go to GCC (still) and get the associates in Animation. At least the one they offer. I don't know if I'm going to continue school after that degree, or not. Maybe it will be enough for me to be out there and getting the kind of jobs to get my foot in the door? What it seems to me is not going to be how amazing the school you went to is, but the kind of portfolio you can produce. So I need to put all my focus into being able to create a good portfolio, and the kind of demo reel I know I'm going to need. I can do this! I'm actually feeling really positive and motivated at the moment. I hope it keeps up.

Working at Game Daze has been a blessing, but it has it's down sides as well. For one, it just stays so... ridiculously boring in the evenings. It gets completely dead slow and by that time, I've usually finished anything on the planner that was assigned for myself. It's been a little nicer having Dani and Keri there as they train, but pretty soon it's going to be stuck working alone all these nights too. Bah, slow days. Come on, economy, pick up already!

My hours are going to go down pretty sharply starting this next week, hovering around 20 or so it seems. Pretty much about 3 days a week (the weekends). I'm not that disappointed about this, though, as it means I'm going to have the week for focusing on school, which I'm really hoping to do. The sooner I pass these classes, the sooner I get my degree and the sooner I'm out in the world trying to do what I want to do. I just hope that the money I will be making will be enough...

Christmas was really good. Christmas Eve was the Eckert party and I was reminded on just how crazy that half of my family is... Not that the other side of my family is any less crazy. I really stood no chance in this world. Then Christmas Eve, we came home to open family presents. My dad got me... a car. YES A CAR. I died. Literally left my soul right then and there, I was completely shocked. My own car, under my own name. Of course, it's used, but it's still in really good condition and it PLAYS MY IPOD OMG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MEANS. I will take windows you have to actually roll down and doors you have to lock manually for that ANY DAY. <333 It's red and kind of sports car looking so I named it Miles. One, because it looks like the Ace Attorney character's car, and two BECAUSE IT'S A FUNNY PUN. Get it, naming your car Miles?

Juukai is back home again and things have gone back to normal at home once more. She brought Okami with her and we've had hell trying to get it to work, and the controllers to work, and the playstation to work... But it's finally going now!!

I start school in about a week... I look forward to it! That's about all that's new in the life, I guess. I'll try to not write like... once a month still. xD

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The more I think and visit the Art Institute of Phoenix (a name that will always make me lol for fandom related reasons) the more I think I want to do it. I just have a lot of worries, too, like, is it the right choice for me? Is it going to be worth all the money school is going to cost? Am I finally going to be happy in my choice for work? Do I really have the artistic talent to succeed in this? That last question has really bee getting to me. This isn't a plea for "compliment me" I mean it in a real life sense. There are a lot of people out there who are a lot better at this than me. Can I really compete in that kind of world?

I guess I won't know any of the answers to that until I try. I just want it to be worth my efforts.

In a completely unrelated note: http://breckert.deviantart.com/art/Shower-Times-145864756

Errr, heh heh. Long time to write. As usual. I have just been all kinds of mad busy lately and it hasn't been the most conducive to update my journal, nor being online at all at any length. Let me see.

For one, I changed jobs. I'm no longer working at the boring endless wasteland that was T-Mobile. It was a good job for the six months that I worked it, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Nein, nein, now I am working for Game Daze again and I am ridiculously happier.

Game Daze is a job that I know. I worked there for nearly three years before and it is very nice to be back, even if I'm working at a different location that I used to. Before I was at Arrowhead and now I'm at Paradise Valley. This mall, although a slightly longer drive, is so much nicer and the store has so much more space. We can face so many games it's not even funny. Even now at Christmas time I managed to get most of the backroom out onto the shelves... It's marvelous. Yes, I am ridiculously happy to be working there again and I've been getting nothing but compliments from my manager, Julian.

In other news, I'm... I'm thinking about transferring to the Art Institute of Phoenix. I'm definitely unsure and worried about this. I want to go in for animation. Animation has always, always been a dream job of mine, but I'm not going to lie to myself. I'm not very good at this. And there are so many people out there so much better than me. And I don't even know if this school is a good school. Ah well, I'm going to be going to the school to take a tour and look at student work and the like. Hopefully that will give me a little insight. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but have held back for fear of failure...

I chopped all my hair off. Seriously, it's short, very short. Like boy short, can be a fauxhawk short. And I love it. I don't have any good pictures taken, but here's the one I stuck up on Facebook to answer a few questions.



I'll try to take some more and put them up, but I'm so horribly unphotogenic that I hate to put them up.

OH. God, I also turned 23. My birthday was Nov 24th... It was really unexciting. I didn't do anything. I'd already gotten my presents earlier, and my dad was out of town and my sisters at their mom's, so there wasn't much to do anyway. That's all right, though, I'm glad to be a year older.

Thanksgiving was fine, had lunch at my dad's with the Huesbeys, and then dinner at my mom's. Black Friday was rather hell like though as I worked one in the morning to one in the afternoon. I didn't sleep that night, just worked it through. I came home and stayed up a while and then finally went to lie down and quite literally crashed for like 15 hours. It felt pretty amazing to wake up after.

I guess that's about all that's new. I have to go get dressed to go to work. I adore this new hair. It's like... you mess it up to style it and run off. What a fail Kristoph I make. He'd never stand for this. xD

Okay, you gimme a fandom, and I'll tell you:
(Phoenix Wright, Kingdom Hearts, Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, Hetalia, or whatever other fandom you can think of and know I enjoy.)

Favorite character:
Least favorite character:
Character with the best hair:
Character with the best eyes:
Character with the best smile:
Character I'd most want to kiss:
Character I'd most likely have sex with:
Character I'd make lunch for:
Character I'd go singing in the rain with:
Character I'd go shopping with:
Character I'd go dancing with:
Character I'd take over the world with:
Character I most want to see more of:
Favorite pairing:
Least favorite pairing:

My phone met an untimely death.
Technology hates me.
I've lost everyone's number.
If I had yours before, or you want me to have it, please text me.
602 512 5078

Bah, so what... is new since my last update.

Surgery... I still haven't made an appointment with a surgeon to see if I should have that gallbladder thing removed from me. Can't... make myself do it. It's completely not bothering me now, even though I'm not taking the muscle thingers at night anymore. Problem gone, which makes me believe what was actually bothering me was more stress-related than gallbladder related. However, that doesn't change the fact that I still have gallstones/sludge and that still runs a risk of being potentially very painful should it ever... um, mess up and get lodged or something or another, which is why my Dr is still recommending I have this discussion with a surgeon. I just don't want to go though, because I don't want him to say "Yeah, we'd better have that out," when maybe it isn't really needed. Ugh. Surgery. Do not want.

Juukai has convinced my to apply to do the Disney College Program again. How? I'm not sure. I've agreed with clicking the roles of both stores and attractions. If I was accepted into one of those, I might do it. I just don't want to be in foods again. Still shocked I was asked to do this at all. She's good...

Oh, I don't think I wrote about how I got a new kitten, Kristoph. He is the cutest thing ever and already gets on super well with Diego-kitty, even though I have to keep them separated most of the time because Kris has been sick since I brought him home from the shelter. He's on medicine though, and has been getting better with each passing day. All he really has left is a stuffy nose, and some sneezing... I hope that passes soon enough. It's sad when the poor kitty is constantly snorting.

We have Beatles Rockband now. ....Guh. I love it so much. I've even taught myself to play left-handed so when I play bass I'm really being Paul. <3 God, I'm such a loser. xD

Also, I got a new computer which I have named Freya, to go with my naming theme. My first laptop was Chii, and then I had my netbook Sumomo. Sumomo... has met an untimely death of water being dumped upon it. ...Kind of powered off and then wouldn't turn on again. I hear that's bad.

So I borrowed money from my dad (thank God he could do so, I tried to go to the bank to see if they would increase my limit and they said HAHA NO) and got a laptop like I've been wanting. One with a big screen and a good graphics card, and one able to play games an movies and... be a little more than Sumomo could be(even though I did love and miss her).



There she be. <333

I know there's more for me to be catching up on, such as complaining about work which everyone always loves to hear, but I have class in ten minutes and don't have the time. It'll come, though, I promise.

BAH.

So much stuff has been happening it seems and... don't really know where to start. Hurm.

Well, I went to the doctor to try and see what was all up with my stomach enjoying being all sick-like in the mornings and all. No, I'm not pregnant. Apparently, they think the problem is in my gallbladder and needs to be possibly surgically removed.

I'll admit it, I'm scared bat-shit about the idea of going into surgery. Yes, its supposed to be simple, and yes, the recovery is only a week or so. But it's still painful and someone cutting me open and taking a piece out of me. And even all that beside, I don't want to lose a week of my life right now when I really can't afford to with work and school. Jesus. Stupid body being stupid...

In the mean time I was prescribed these muscle relaxants to take at night which are supposed to make me... not feel sick in the mornings. Strangely enough, they seem to work. I've been much better in the mornings. But I hate how they put me to sleep. Ugh.

Poor Juu has been sick to her stomach lately too, with unexplicable illness like things. She needs to go to a doctor too, to be checked out but has to wait for her mom's hmo to tell her where she can go or whatever. I don't like that, it stresses me out to think she's sick but doesn't have a way to help.

She's been slowly working her way into my school. It seems like she's only going to be able to take like... an online class and German with me this semester, but next she can do more. I hope it all works out.

Living with her so far has been a blast. Its strange how... at ease I can be around her. Just being myself is cool. She keeps introducing me to new series/animes. She wants to make me into an anime nerd, haha. In fact, she's even talked me into trying to start a GCC anime club. She be a convincing little girl.

Work has been trying to fix me. I guess they realized I wasn't making any sales so they've been training me again. Friday they put me in a retail store where I watched them sell. The last hour included role-playing, which I HATE. I'll take computer PW roleplay, but real life work roleplays feel so... I dunno, on the spot and I feel like I'm being judged... hate them.

Then yesterday I was sent to shadow James, another rep. He... was cool to work with. 25 years old, hot, and British. Oh my God, British. I was swooning. I have such an accent thing... I wanted to just listen to him. Even when he was telling me how he was drunk at a club until 4 the night before I was just like, "...That's nice." I'm a goob.

Today I'm back and working at my normal place again. I don't know what's going to happen... I still do want a new job, but I feel bad now that they're putting so much effort into me. Blah. I guess I'll see what happens.

Is that all caught up now? Probably not, but it's all the important things I can think of now.

Ahh, been a while since I updated. Boo me. Well, I've been busy. Hmm, where to start...

I guess the first matter of importance has been my friend Ashley moving in with us. Trying to get her into my school has been a job and a half, one which is still not completed. I think she's really not going to be able to do much of a sememster, but she can at least take German with me, it seems. The teacher had no problem with her sitting in, even if she wasn't officially registered and such.

I'm glad moving in has seemed to go rather smoothly for her. She's settles in among my family rather nicely, which isn't the easiest to do. My family has a way of being loud and obnoxious at times. She's even out shopping with them right now, I know, while I'm at work.

In other news, I've been... sick lately. Sort of. Morning sickness, really, without the actual fetus. Just the lovely sympoms. I finally went to the doctor after about three days of being vomity in the mornings. That was its own adventure...

I went in and Dr. Heyer asked the symptoms and had me lay back and he lifted my shirt and poked around my stomach to make sure nothing was causing me pain, which it wasn't really. So he prescribed a light muscle relaxant... I do not know how those go together, but since I've started taking them at night, I've felt ridiculously better in the mornings. So whatever.

After the doctor, he wanted some blood tests taken, which involved going to another suite in the building to have that done. Doctor also wanted an ultrasound in case that would help somehow in spotting any possible problems, and that was another suite. But they were full so I had to drive to another location.

The ultrasound was kind of a weird experience. Pretty much what having one for a baby would be like, expect they were looking and taking pictures of different things inside of me, kind of avoiding the uterus type area. Kind of gave me a little baby-lust. Shhh, I didn't say that.

Then after that I went to fill my prescription where my pharmasist was Diego's Irish cousin. Seriously, he had a red shirt, a white vest and messy hair and beard. Only difference was he was white with red hair. I laughed.

Since then, I've been getting better, but the muscle relaxers make me go to sleep every night. That's irritating, but I'll take it ove nausea.

Becca's birthday was yesterday. We had a bonfire in the Huesbey's yard. That was actually pretty awesome. Welcome to the teen years, Becca.

I'm at work now, and just chilling until I get off in 4 hrs and 15 min. Hope the time goes quickly!

Biggest news on the agenda: My friend Ashley (better known as my Diego!friend since I know too many Ashelys, or her online alias Juukai) is going to be moving into my house to attempt to be able to go to GCC.

Woah. Woahhhh.

I hardly know how to take this. I've been suggesting it playfully since I moved from California back at the beginning of January, saying we'd have fun and everything, since we've always had fun every time we'd hung out before.

But now it's actually happening and it feels a bit different. It's not that I'm not pleased- because I am. It's going to be helpful for her and I think fun times, for sure, but I am a creature of habit. I have a sort of regime that I do daily, and I wonder how this is going to upset things. I don't know. I'm very excited, but also anxious. I think it will be a good thing on the whole, in fact I know it will be... but nerves are what nerves will be.

I hope she can take German with me. And I hope that on spring break we can afford to go to Germany together with the school. It was be so amazing. I can't even begin to describe...

I am more exited than anxious over this at the moment. Just crazy, because nothing like this has ever happened before. Ahh. It could lead to some super cool things. C:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh~~!

I'm back in school again, and it's... pretty much what I expected. I feel pretty good about all my classes and I think I'm going to be able to manage them all. What worries me the most is design because I'm... well, not always the most creative or inspired person I know. But I'll take it one assignment at a time. Hmm, lets see.

2D Design
Seems... interesting. I still don't really know what to expect from it through the class. Certainly cost me enough money, so I'd better make sure to pass it, right? I have other friends that have taken it before so I'm confident I'll have help when I need it, plus, the teacher seems really approachable. We already have our first assignment, but I'm not so sure what to do with it. For some reason I was just tempted to make it about Sailor Moon, haha. What a dork.

Psychology
Rather indifferent about this class so far. Teacher doesn't realy seem my type. Not that I'll hate her, but definitely not one of those types who will become my mentor or something. I really enjoy psychology as a subject though, so I think it should be fine.

German
I am all ready in love with this class. I think the language is so amusing and fun to learn and the teacher is great. He's a slightly older guy (an American that learned German) and is a lot of fun. He has a million stories about everything. My favorite class so far.

Biology
Actually, better than I thought it would be. The teacher seems pretty cool and his hair looks a bit like a mad scientist. I think its going to be pretty interesting for a science I'm not interested in, if that makes sense. Labs should be kind of annoying, but then labs always are. We're going to be dissecting fetal pigs at some point in the year. Huh... bring out the goggles...

Intro to Graphic Design
My first ever online class. So far I have just declaired my attendance. I'll see how this one goes.

And that's all my classes. C: Should be an interesting semester for sure. Its definitely kept me busy so far, and its just the first week!

Wow, an actual busy work day today. I hardly felt the first half of my shift go by... what the heck? We went through 8 phones! That more than I've done in a weekend in a long time. I'm really glad, though, because.. I hadn't sold any other phones all weekend long so if today blew I was really afraid I was going to have to come back with a huge 0. Thank God for Sam's Club 6606. And thank God for Rick.

School starts tomorrow. I already don't remember what classes it is... I have to go online and start figuring out the Intro to Graphic Design class, and such... and then I think I have 2D Design, I think, then Psychology and then finally German. It should be an interesting first day. I'm as excited as I am nervous... Definitely not looking forward to waking up early though, which will probably have to be abround 7:30, leave by 8, first class at 9. Normally I would never leave so ridiculously early but at the beginning of the year, everyone thinks they're motivated at the beginning of the year so parking is an absolute nightmare. A week in when everyone starts dropping their morning classes, it gets better. I'm going to miss how easy it was to park during the summer though.

I hear Sierra's still on her way back to North Carolina and it's been on the whole... an uneventful trip. Sounds like pretty good news to me.

Well, two more hours left in my shift. Here's hoping it passes as quickly as the beginning.

(Psst, www.twitter.com/breckert )